May Grooming Guide: Smile, It’s Almost Summer
Some years ago, the "New York Times Magazine" ran a cover essay revealing what the rest of the world admired about Americans. Mind you, this was before our reputation was savaged by the "war on terror" - but one somewhat startling result was that the rest of the world admired our teeth. Our big white teeth. Our smiles.
Oh, those were the days - when Americans were admired for their toothy optimism. Well, it’s spring again and summer’s around the corner - and that’s enough to make us smile once more. And given the recent advances in periodontal care, we’re focusing some of this month’s grooming guide on our pearly whites.
Because, as Louis Armstrong sang, "Smile and the whole world smiles with you." And if you let a smile be your umbrella, your face is guaranteed to shine. And if you keep on smiling, it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to, which is just what you want when you’ve got spring in your step and summer’s almost here. Because, after all, a smile a day keeps the doctor away. And don’t worry, be happy, because as Mae West said, "Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, because the next one may fall for your smile." After all, smiling is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Or as Raymond Chandler wrote, "Go ahead, give someone a smile they’ll feel in their hip pocket." And then make your face as beautiful as your smile with this month’s grooming guide.
Desert Essence: Daily Essential De-Puffing Eye Cream
Of course, with the advent of summer comes late nights. The sun doesn’t set until nearly nine and you’re out cocktailing by the river, on the rooftop, by the shore until ten - and then eating dinner at midnight. Morning comes and your eyes look like you walked into a bus. That’s when you reach for Desert Essence’s Daily Essential De-Puffing Eye Cream.
Loaded with antioxidants (to help fight all those free radicals that you unleashed the night before, thanks to your unsavory behaviors), Daily Essential De-Puffing Eye Cream is a rich blend of hibiscus, lavender, and pomegranate extracts, which revives your weary eyes. The organic acerola (vitamin C) helps to smooth your tired skin (especially where that shoe was mashed against your cheekbone), while jojoba oil and vitamin E helps with cellular regeneration.
Founded in 1972, Desert Essence offers a full range of natural and organic skin care products that are both vegetarian and cruelty-free, as well as free of parabens and artificial colors and fragrances. The sustainable skin care line utilizes natural botanicals such as aloe vera, jojoba, and tree tree oil (which they introduced to the States) to create high quality products that are as respectful of the environment as they are effective.
As Desert Essence’s motto states, "Beauty blooms in the desert," which might be just how you feel after fixing your face with Daily Essential De-Puffing Eye Cream. From the desert of your hangover, your eyes emerge again - as radiant as the bloom on a hundred-year cactus.
PRICE: $15.99 / 1.0 fl oz / 30 ml
LINK: Desert Essence Daily Essential De-Puffing Eye Cream
REMBRANDT® Deeply White™ + Peroxide Fresh Mint Toothpaste and REMBRANDT® Deeply White™ + Peroxide Whitening Mouthwash
Finally, these are the products that we’ve been waiting for: toothpaste and mouthwash, loaded with sodium fluoride to strengthen tooth enamel and hydrogen peroxide to visibly whiten teeth. Think about it: you’re brushing and gargling and swishing with a product that is cleansing your teeth, strengthening your enamel, whitening your pearlies, and freshening your breath. Talk about multi-tasking - about the only thing these products don’t do is windows.
Way back in 1989, Rembrandt was the first company with a whitening toothpaste. For you children too young to remember, this product was somewhat revolutionary - and very expensive (at least relative to the toothpastes your mother was purchasing). As Rembrandt explained to the marketplace, there are two kinds of stains: extrinsic and instrinsic - or surface and deep. Rembrandt proved that a peroxide-based formula whitened teeth - over a period of time.
Rembrandt® Deeply White™+Peroxide Fresh Mint Toothpaste whitens teeth above and below the surface and works by combining both sodium fluoride, an anti-cavity agent, with rapid-release peroxide that, just like the Rembrandt® Deeply White™+Peroxide Whitening Mouthwash, starts working on contact with deep stains.
Here’s what you do: brush your teeth. Let’s say it again: brush your teeth. Then after you finish brushing, all you do is swish a couple teaspoons of Rembrandt® Deeply White™+Peroxide Whitening Mouthwash in your mouth for sixty seconds. Do this twice a day - and each time you do it, don’t eat anything for thirty minutes after. Think about it: this product is a diet aid as well!
Go on now, start gargling - and get your teeth white for Pride!
PRICE: $6.99 - $7.99
LINK: REMBRANDT® Deeply White™
Frownies: Under Eye & Eyelid Gels
We have them on their face right now - so don’t expect us to answer the door. We’re going out this evening, so we’re wearing Frownies Eye Gels Under Eye & Eyelid Treatment - to be better prepared for our close-up. They look like transparent slugs that have landed under our eyes - and they smell delicious, like roses. Already we can see a difference. Probably no one will recognize us tonight; probably everyone will say, "You look phenomenal!" - before adding, sotto voce, "Did you have work done?"
Nope, it’s Frownies Eye Gels. Surely you’ve heard of them by now. Ever since 1889, Frownies have been eradicating wrinkles and reversing the signs of aging for men and women the world over, particularly those in the entertainment industries. Gloria Swanson famously wore them in "Sunset Boulevard" - and Olivia de Havilland had them sent to her hotels. Even the Kennedy women used them.
We once knew a man who went to retrieve his mother after she’d had some "work" done on her face - and the ensuing trauma of seeing his mother’s bandaged and bruised face made him swear that he’d never go under the knife. Perhaps his mother had never considered Frownies.
The signature product of the Frownies empire is Frownies Under Eye & Eyelid Gels (yes, we’re still wearing them - ten more minutes), which are all-natural gel patches of cactus collagen, aloe, and other plant-derived natural vitamins. One 30-minute treatment delivers deep hydration (we can feel it happening already), while increasing circulation to that delicate undereye area. The result? Fewer visible lines and wrinkles, negligible dark circles - and a surfeit of compliments. Trust us - this isn’t the first time we’ve worn Frownies Under Eye & Eyelid Gels. We’re actually centenarians, but no one ever believes us.
Best of all, each pair of patches can be reused, with Frownies Rose Water Hydrator Spray to activate and help preserve the eye gels. You might think of them as something equivalent to mother’s little helpers - and you’ll definitely grow as fond of them as you would a goldfish.
PRICE: $37.50 / three pairs of eye gels
LINK: Frownies Under Eye & Eyelid Gels
(Grooming Guide continues on next page: Blissoma, supersmile, Dr. Shahani...)